I just though you guys might enjoy seeing two of my brothers videos he's done in film class in college. I think they're pretty cool but that might just be becuase he's my brother :]

The first video is a video about the lives of two people through their handss...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o32L2TCRj1s

This video is pretty funny, it's supposed to be about himself but he's not actually like that... it's more of a video on who he is making movies i guess it's funny though

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Njjp5Bxbas

Why do a reflection on an english pape, when I can reflect my life

So... it's 1:22 in the morning and today has been a very hectic day. I have this huge English essay due tomorrow and of course i just finished it!.... or thought I did. God damn it. I have to right a reflection on this paper. How bout i write " I bullshitted this whole essay" and we call it a day. Oh no, but their are guidelines to this reflection and I'm not exactly sure if that statement for fills the requirement so, lets take a look at what's needed.

In a few paragraphs, reflect on your paper by addressing the following questions:
1. What was it like to write this paper? Explain the difficulties you had along the way.
2. What are the strengths of your paper?
3. What are the weaknesses?
4. What specifically did you revise along the way?

Well that's not fun, and I'll never get it done anyways so how bout I write a reflection as though I'm talking about the book written about my life. A reflection about my life and the process of getting there. I think this is a pretty good idea. Of course I won't hand this in but it'll keep me bussy for a while.

My life isn't finished yet, it's more of a work in progress. I'm still in my rough draft stage of my life. I know I'm going to make mistakes and I still have time before I need to hand in my final, so why not just write without back spacing or correcting. It's when your truest self comes out. Mistakes are inevitable, so embrace them, remember them, learn from them and the next time you stumble upon it, thank the lord that it happened. I don't know whether I can say writing my life story was a good or bad experience but it was, and still is difficult. No one said life was going to be easy but there will always be other "writers" that make their stories seem so good and make you even doubt if you should continue writing your book, that once meant so much to you. But eventually you'll get past your writers block and that's when your greatest writing will come. Difficulties writing my life story? My publisher decided to sponsor another book, my printer ran out of inc and stopped working, my computer erased all my work, but hey, I'm still writing aren't i? Difficulties aren't problems, their challenges you put upon yourself to test your own strength. The people that helped me write my story are even more important than the book it's self because without those people, their would be no pages with no writing. Everything my book is today, is because of the people that found me a new publisher, let me use their printer, spent hours with me relocating the files on my computer , then buying me a new computer so this never happened again. You can only thank the author so much for a good story when the characters in the book are really the amazing ones. Although my book is very interesting, it's very inconsistent. It has unorganized thoughts, grammar and spelling mistakes, maybe even missing some pages but non of that worries me because when I get everything organized, I know my book will be amazing. For a long time, I worried about the pictures going in my book, the color of the font, what the cover would look like, what size font i would use but along the way i realized that what happens if someone picks up on book in a store and realizes that the book is missing so much, so, I started to build up the context and it's been working for me so far.


There's a lot of analogies going on... hopefully they make sense. I could just be really over tiered right now and have no idea what I'm saying. Wonderfull! :]

The Evil Word

I recently went through this crazy breakup and am attempting to patch up the wounds lately but during this whole massacre, I've come to hate the word it. It just pisses me off. I never minded the word, I never even really thought about the word but I've come to conclusion that it's a blanket that people use to cover up what's actually going on. I mean, in the right context I don't mind it, but if you use it the wrong way, it could really get on my nerves. It could stand for ANYTHING. My boyfriend... well, ex-boyfriend... attempting to fix it- friend, used it a lot and I never mentioned it but I've been meaning to blog about it. I don't exactly know what blogging about it would do but I feel it is necessary. So here is how I've come to hate this tiny word. My boyfriend fucked up big time recently but he'll never directly state what he did. He'll always say, "I'm so sorry for doing it.", "I didn't mean to do it.", "I don't know how it happened.". I have no idea why it pisses me off but I think it's so strange that this life altering thing, although high school breakups sounds silly, yes life altering thing can be boiled down to this two letter word. And maybe that's why I hate it, because it represents everything I hate. I've never actually realized how weird the word it is. I used the word it in my last sentence but meanwhile it is representing my hatred for the word. It's this mind swirling word that if you think about too much, could get you a bit dizzy. It's kind of like a crutch, when you use the word it, it takes the hurt out of the situation and puts it into a teeny word. This poor word, has to sum up two months of pain. That's what crying, screaming, hating, loving has all boiled down to. "It was bad times" It? I went through so much, he did so much and yet both situations are still represented by it. In my opinion, this word should have never been created because evidently it gives people the easy way out. What would you rather say.... "I'm sorry for fucking another girl two days after breaking up with you", or "I'm sorry for doing it".... yeah that's what I thought. Slowly but surely, I will erase this stupid word from my vocabulary... or at least try.

la la la :]

Well, I'm going through a bit of a song writing phase lately, I'm not sure if it's more poetry though because I haven't actually put music behind it but it's what I plan on doing because I'm learning to play the guitar soon. So I've decided to put up some of my lyrics or whatever you want to call them. I usually write them either when I'm extremely happy or horribly depressed and some of them could get very cliche but they make me happy and I thought I should share one :]

This is my horrible mood song:

Tell me I’m the only one
Tell me it’s me you see in your dreams
Tell me I’m all you’ve ever wanted
Because I want to believe you
Once upon a time
There was you and me
Then came her
And the end of me
I cried for days then realized
That if it’s her you want
it wasn’t meant to be
You eventually came back to me
But I was unsure
You broke my heart
But then I found out more
Your heart can’t break anymore
After it’s been broken
So I lived numb to the pain
In a world of make believe
I cover up my heart with a smile and a laugh
A scar and a scratch
So I know what I feel is real
Everything is fine to you
Everything is perfect
This is what you wanted
But what about me?
maybe if I were better
maybe if I cared less
we had our problems
but we had good times too
but I guess it wasn’t worth it
I guess it wasn't worth the fight
You had your moment of weakness
Everyone does now and then
But now I live with your mistake
Every second of my life

Let the Right One in

I haven't stopped thinking about thinking about this movie since the second I left the STAC room. I think what really struck me was the silence . The soundtrack was absolutely beautiful which really helped you take in the moments of silence and let you think about what was going on. One thing that really pushed towards the scary side of the movie were the movement in the camera. There was almost no movement of the camera and if there was, it was extremely sloww. The movie mostly consisted of quick shot changes. When you mix quick shot changes and slow to very little movement... you have a creepy movie. One thing that really interested me was the distance from the camera to the actual scene. It made you actually feel like you we're watching them from a distance. That also contributed to the creepy aspect because i felt kind of weird watching it... almost like i wasn't supposed to be there. Whenever I watch those really stupid, gory, scary movies i always have the tendency to close my eyes or turn around but i always have to take a peak back because the thoughts in my head matching the sounds going on are actually worse than the actual movie. This director clearly knew that the average person does this and he didn't want you missing one second of his film so he said "hey! they can't escape sounds unless their 4 and think sticking your fingers in your ears actually works, so, I'll give them a little picture, add all the sounds and leave the rest to their imagination." He really takes the saying, "less is more" to a whole new limit. I think the rubix cube sympolizes oskar and eli's relationship. You make one turn, and it doesn't seem right at first, but in reality it's just taking you one step closer to the perfect ending. Eli keeps killing people and you cant help but be like "What the hell is going on? Leave this girl now! She's gunna kill you." but it actually helps Eli and Oscar become closer.

work chopss

"All our progress is unfolding like a vegetable bud. You have at first an instinct, then an opinion, then a knowledge as a plant has a root, bud and fruit. Trust your instinct until the end, though you can render no reason."

I've really liked the acting work shops we've been doing lately. These workshops have really helped me sit bad and just watch. You have no idea how much it helps when you're watching someone else's monologue and they get feed back on it that could pertain to your acting too. Most advise given to a person on their monologue can help your perfect your too! My favorite advise that Joyce has given is to BREATHE. It makes such a difference while doing your monologue. I never realized how much of a difference it makes but when you watch someone, and they actually breath instead of doing their monologue in one breath, it looks 20x better and more "organic".

And according to the cell theory, we can conclude that .... "Oh, she looks cute in her default"

I've finally figured out my problem. Thanks to Luke I have come to conclusion that I am horrible at getting things done and committing to doing thing daily. It's amazing how I've been procrastinating, not getting things done, then feeling like shit all of the next day not having the slightest idea why. Facebook is my number one killer. I can openly say that I am a "facebook whore". It's all I do. I take facebook stalking to the next level and get all caught up in picking apart everyone else's lives that I forget to keep up with my own. I never get homework done. I do science homework in the morning, I do math homework in science, I do Italian homework in Italian and in Italian I do English homework so clearly I have a horrible way of getting things done. I'm convinced I have A.D.D but I don't think that excuse would fly by my teachers so greatly. I wish I was good at getting things done because I always have great ideas for blogs. While I'm in class my head goes crazy with ideas to write about but instead I comment on my friends default picture reminding her of the great times we had forgetting SHE WAS THERE AND SHE DOESN'T NEED TO BE REMINDED OF IT. If only I could think like this while I went around liking everyone's statuses. I just made a promise to myself that I will do one blog every day. It will be good to have me commit to something besides breathing. I can't even commit to taking medicine every day. I'm supposed to be taking medication for my knee because it's inflamed or some crap like that and of course I've taken the pills maybe twice and i got them two months ago. I'm not hurting anyone else besides myself... of course if my knee suddenly gives out while I'm walking down the stairs and i take out a couple of kids ... well then i guess I'm hurting other people too but commitment sucks and I'm determined to conquer it.

STACom... I was born with a little stac in me ;)

What has stac done for me? Well, after coming out of stac everyday, I can say that walking through the hallways and outside is like one big trip. You honestly feel like your on some crazy drug and your having some sort of weird high. Colors are popping out, things you've never seen before, you start to notice, things you thought you knew so well (trees consist of two colors; green and brown) start to get questioned, movies you thought were your ALL TIME FAVORITES, don't seem as good anymore. Every day at stac, I wish I had a notebook with me to write down some of the things that are said. I keep forgetting but I will remember to get one sooner or later so I can just write down things that are said that move me so much. Not only has this class helped me change as a person but the people in it are absolutely amazing. Everyone is learning and changing together. They help you think in ways you've never thought you could. One reason I love stac so much is because it questions what I think every time I'm there. Luke always has something witty to say that makes me rethink everything I've ever thought. Sometimes it's even overwhelming when we're talking about something big because my head raises with all these thoughts and those thoughts question my thinking and my thinking is changing every second and it's one person after another saying something so meaningful and my brain constantly has to play catch up. I cannot count how many times I've learned a weird fact and then gone around telling every person I know what I've learned. My friends constantly ask me what i did in stac today because every time they ask, I always have something interesting to say. One thing I regret is not keeping up with my blogs. I don't even know why I stopped blogging because I loved it in the beginning and I always have so much to say about something so I guess I have to get my train back on track and keep up with these blogs. I love reading them all the time though. Stac also helps you realize things that were collecting dust in the back of your head waiting for you to realize what was actually going on. The things that are said in peoples blogs, you read them and you’re like HEY, I THOUGHT THAT TOO! but you never really realized you thought it. It's hard to explain like it skimmed through your mind but you never actually acknowledged it. Stac basically helps you figure out who you are. You are who you are but you never really think about it because you're too busy trying to figure out other people.

Kontroll = anxiety

Kontroll... hmm...I don't even know where to start. Kontrol is one of those movies that if you think too hard about it, you get this pressure in your chest and your breathing gets a little heavier. I wouldn't exactly call it anxiety but its very close to it. What really freaks me out is that when ever I go to a train station, I always have to test what my mom says and stand at the very end of the platform. I might have a fear of train stations for the rest of my life.... thank you Nimród Antal. After talking about this movie so much, I don't think i can ever watch another movie the same. I'm not gunna lie, I am the worst movie critic ever, I think every movie is AMAZING. But, after analyzing this movie so much and also talking about movies on Friday, i now have a different view on movie watching. After watching the movie the first time I thought it was really good but I didn't know why. Then we talked about how Bulcsú could possibly be the killer and that had me questioning everything i thought about the movie, and then we talked about all the symbolism and I thought HEY that's really cool. That got me thinking about all my favorite movies or movies I thought were good and they have none of those aspects and in all, really aren't good movies. It's so good because there's so much to talk about the movie but you can't talk about it. You know what you want to say but then another thought questiones that thought about the movie. It's very hard to explain.

Cougarss

Love is BLIND

For some odd reason, when we were all talking about walking through the community center blind folded, i thought of the saying love is blind. You think I'm kidding... i really did. I have no idea why but it popped into my brain. I always thought it meant that you love with no judgements, but being blind has a lot more depth. It's mostly about trust. Once you get into a comfort zone where you can trust the person that's leading you, everything becomes so much more easy. All your other senses also become stronger and listening to what's going on around you becomes so intense. When you lose that anxiety you get from feeling like you're about to fall off the end of the world, it actually becomes a lot of fun and very carefree. I think that is what i liked most about it. When you're walking down hallways or around a school, you're judging people, questioning thing you see, things you hear and your mind goes racing because of everything your surrounded by but when you can't see anything, if you're not worrying about bumping into anything, you basically have nothing to think about. In a sense it feels like your floating.

Der Blaue Reiter

Der Blaue Reiter was a German movement lasting from 1911 to 1914 that consisted of a group of artists from Munich Germany. Der Blaue Reiter revolved mostly around Franz Marc Wassily Kandinsky who we have talked about a lot in class. They believed in the promotion of modern art; the connection between visual art and music; the spiritual and symbolic associations of color; and a spontaneous, intuitive approach to painting. Their work promoted individual expression and broke free from any artistic restraints. I think the expressionist group is really cool considering how long ago it started, it's techniques we use today which shows how big of an influence they were.

My version of "Going Blind"

She held herself at the table
just as well as the others there.
When looking a little closer,
you would realize she help her cup differently
as she picked it up.
She smiled a forced smile.

As they all made their ways through the rooms,
she slowly trailed behind,
walking with caution.

In her eyes,
you saw explicit joy,
shinning.

She slowly walks cautiously in and out
of obstacles that lay in her way.
Once she got past it,
she would be beyond all walking, and would fly.

I'm not sure where i want life to take me but at this rate... nowhere is where im heading.

My mom recently screamed at me saying that everything i do is always "half ass". Of course i yelled back saying something witty to make her feel stupid, turned around, walked back into my room and sat there. I was always envious of those Olympic winners or even the people that just participated because they worked their whole life on something and now they could be proud. Well, as mamma Stacom said, everything i do is always 50%. I play soccer, but heyy it's not like I'm gunna do it my whole life so who cares if I'm not that great. I sing, but I'm not comfortable singing in front of people so that really wont take me anywhere, so I'll take the lessons because i love to sing but no biggy if i skip a few. I love to act but Ive been working to get something big since i was 4 years old and commercials here and there aren't really a thrill anymore so I'll try hard but just like all the other times, the chances of fail are high. I don't know how to commit or stick to anything. I'm one of those people who always go threw phases. It doesn't matter what type of phase but I've had a million and of course it all started like everyone else; Polly pockets phase, bratz phase, barbie phase but then as i got older all the things i loved to do, once i failed, well i pretty much gave up and just added it to my long list of phases. It even comes down to my friends that i get so close to but then we lose touch and the weekends get busy and once again they become just a phase in my life. I'm not saying i have to pick what i want to do with my life now, i just think that some sort of organization and commitment needs to start soon. I'm not sure where i want life to take me but i feel at this rate... well nowhere is where I'm heading. I keep thinking I'm in 2nd grade and i have all this time to experiment and try new things out but in reality i have 2 years to attempt to start somewhere. I always need someone to push me to my potential but really i should be pushing myself. I think confidence is my main problem. Everyone always thinks I'm such a confident person but i think that's why I'm not amazing at one thing, i lack that "I'm gunna get this!" kind of thinking. I've been acting since i was 4 years old and I've done a ton of things here and there but I've always been waiting for my big break. That one thing that makes everything worth while. It gets a bit tiring audition after audition. I swear i must have gone on AT LEAST 1000 auditions and yet here i am writing a blog about how my life has gone nowhere. YES, i am only 15 but i have big plans for my life. I don't want to leave this world as a business woman, or a librarian... i want to be remembered. i don't know if that's too much to ask.. maybe it is but I've seen crazier dreams so for now I'll stick with that. I get nauseous reading magazines about how all these people go from movie to move... I want that in the worst way but they say young actors never last anyways so for now i guess I'll stick to the dream. This blog went totally off topic... even though it never really had a topic i was just rambling on about stuff that usually no one wants to hear about but it feels much better getting all of that out.

Eat at your own risk

NINA CAKE

Ingredients you will need:

1 Red Apples

3 cups mac and cheese in a box

4 eggs

2 cups of captain crunch

2 cups of cake mix

6 drops of purple food coloring

1/2 cup of rice and beans

6 waffles

Preparation:

1. Get the cake mix ready (add water and stir)

2. Get a 12x6 cake pan

3. Layer the bottom of the pan with waffles

4. Scramble the eggs.

5. Add drops of food coloring to the cake mix

6. slowly mix in the scrambled eggs to the cake and let sit for 10 minutes

7. make the macaroni and cheese (hot water and powder cheese)

8. Layer the macaroni and cheese on top of the waffles for a 1 inch think mac and cheese layer

9. Go to taco bell and buy high quality rice and beans and put that in the blender for a creamy topping.

10. Add the cake mix on top of the macaroni and cheese and keep in refrigerator for 23 minutes.

11. Turn the Captain Crunch into a bread crumb consistency

12. Put cake in oven at 223 degrees for 23 minutes

13. When cake has cooled down, add a creamy, thick layer of rice&beans icing

14. Sprinkle the crunched captain crunch on top of the cake

15. Eat the apple you had left over as a reward for your hard work

Enjoyyyy

“Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.”

Trying to look semi normal... while being interviewed.. which caused laughter.. and in front of the whole class. Easy enough...but hey at least we all had to do it! :) Now i present to you the wonderful photos taken by fellow stacies(or atleast my favorite ones).

I love this picture of Dina because its simple and very natural.

I don't even know why I like this picture i just do.. its kinda crazy.

Ilana looks so Innocent and has a sweet smile.

Michelle looks so cool in this picture shes on her way to a smile

Molly pondering life's meaning.

I love this picture! It's so sweet.

The background is a little distracting but it's a really laid back picture.

This is a very fun picture!

I like that she's looking down and smiling. :)

Side shot! i like that its not posed at all.

I love that it's dead center and you can see that she's a sweet person through the picture.

such a nice smile!

hahah he looks like he should be saying "heyyyyy"

This picture is so fun, i love that she's intensely laughing.

Her smile just makes me smile!

There were so many funny ones but i like this one cuz shes smiling/laughing.

Explaining his love for lipstick? Possibly

this is such a cute picture. big smilee :)

I like that it's so close up. His eyes really connect to the camera.

Deep in thought.

Picture Perfect

hahaha this picture is so funny!

This picture is really chill.. i feel like i could totally see it in some magazine.

This picture looks like she just saw Santa! love it

Aw you looked so nervous in all the other pictures. You look happy but you can tell your hiding your nerves its really cool :p

I lover her hands in this picture!

She looks so Innocent!

such a cute picture! I love that her face is all scrunched up.

Some how, she has managed to make a silly face and look pretty at the same time.

This picture is amazing! You get so much of her personality from it.