Number 4! wooh :]

Last week, we spent a whole day on enneagrams. After 14 pages of question after question, I am a 4. After looking through the packet that was given to us in class, i already had come to that conclusion but i wanted to take the test for shits and giggles. I think that the whole description can pretty much sum up my life but here are some key things that really struck me. "Fours often report that they feel they are missing something in themselves, although they may have difficulty identifying exactly what that “something” is." I always feel like i need more, like I'm missing something. I always feel like i need to change, i need to be better but i don't exactly know what. It's the weirdest feeling because i know i wanna change and i know i want to be better but i don't even know where to start, it's kinda like trying to fix a problem but you don't exactly know what to fix yet. What i find really cool is, while reading through the description of what the life style of a number 4 consist of, i realized that it also ties into my whole idea of "rebirth". After my enlightenment in class not too long ago on how the aspect of rebirth effects my life, i feel like everything i do has to do with rebirth. Rebirth even goes as far as me cleaning my room. I let it get really messy than i spend 2 full days on starting all over. I throw everything out, buy new things, organize everything and take it from there. Something i could compare my results to rebirth it "In the course of their lives, Fours may try several different identities on for size, basing them on styles, preferences, or qualities they find attractive in others." I always do this which pertains to rebirth because i love to start over. One thing that doesn't have to do with rebirth but really pertains to my life is, "One of the biggest challenges Fours face is learning to let go of feelings from the past; they tend to nurse wounds and hold onto negative feelings about those who have hurt them. Indeed, Fours can become so attached to longing and disappointment that they are unable to recognize the many treasures in their lives." When i read this, i realized it was totally me. I recently realized this and it's become a real problem but now i realize that it has to do with other aspects of my personality and life style. "At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences." When I'm happy or doing something i love, i revolve my whole life around it. I change everything about me that doesn't have to do with that which turns my experience into a more intense one.
I love the thought of starting over. Whenever I'm faced with a problem, my first thought is never to try and fix it, it's just to start all over. I love being able to be a whole new person just because i changed everything about me. Another aspect of rebirth that applies to me is my personality. My reason i get along with almost every person is because when i meet someone, my entire personality changes to make myself compatible with that person. Do i do it on purpose? Not at all. I've realized it before but briefly but now that I've indulged in my research about myself and how rebirth applies to my life, i really realize it now.
I think sometimes i get so confused about a situation and handling problems became of my rebirth like personality. I can never find and in between. If I'm really mad about something, i can never try to slowly fix it or think things out, i automatically change my whole perception on something which leads to problems because not everyone is so into rebirth as much as me and can't follow my mood swings. Another thing is, I never read over my blogs. Thats probably why there are so many mistakes but i never do because if i read it over, I know I'm going to want to start it all over again.... not good.